Recipe for a Magazine    

• 2 publishers
• 1 creative genius
• 1 religious-icon boy-wonder designer
• 1 hard-talking tank-driving ad-saleswoman
• 20 credit cards
• 1 football-loving distributor
• 1 paper-savvy print publishing company rep
• Copious quantities of food & drink
• A wide mix of bars and restaurants, ranging from the glamorous and exclusive to low-life dives (honourable mentions: Century, Shaftesbury Avenue, Cantaloupe, Great Eastern Street, The Spitz, Spitalfields Market)
• Several glamorous, mainly Scandinavian, waitresses
• A gaggle of talented writers/photographers/artists/friends/hangers-on
• 2 digital cameras
• 2 dozen Midland Mainline Sheffield <-> London trains
• 5,000 sample issues
• Cardboard, scissors & glue (ask your mum or dad before you use these)

Take the 2 publishers and marinade in a dusty fashion design studio with the creative genius. Leave to soak up as much inspiration as possible – you may find that a dash of Slivovic helps to speed up this process.

Remove the creative genius and mix the publishers alternately with the ad-saleswoman, distributor, and print company rep. Add food and drink, as needed, sample issues, and mix using credit cards.

Continue the process above, introducing the talented gaggle, and increasing the level of food and drink consumption at each stage. If food and drink provision becomes a problem, apply for more credit cards. Attempt to document using digital cameras, before accepting own inability to take a straight photograph.

Remove the 2 publishers from the mix, put them in Cantaloupe to ogle Scandanavian waitresses and consume more food and drink, before returning them to the concoction.

Implement periodic insanity checks with the creative genius. Test new concepts using cardboard, scissors, glue.

Confuse one of the publishers by sending backwards and forwards repeatedly between Sheffield and London on Midland Mainline train.

Dump the resulting mess in the hands of religious-icon boy-wonder designer, and instruct him to make a magazine out of it with assistance from creative genius.

Sell thousands of issues and become an overnight sensation.

© Dan Sumption, October 2002

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